It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sober January is a disaster.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So apparently I’m into choking now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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