My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
