Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
