am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
