I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
