I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
