I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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