Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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