we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
