when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
