I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
