Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
