No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Your cock deserves a montage
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
