i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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