went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
