..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
