Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
