STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
