Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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