Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
