do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
