tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize