: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
