guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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