I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
