and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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