Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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