yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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