dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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