just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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