I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
