I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
