We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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