at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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