Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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