So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
