nut hugger
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
