i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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