dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
