i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
