'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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