lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
