i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
