that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?