whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
My pussy is not your playground.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."