i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
