today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
