I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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