Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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