I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
