Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
