I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
