Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
