I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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