I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
