my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
