I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize