okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
