I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
