Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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