I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
