I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
