Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
