I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I could make wine with my vomit
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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