so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
