We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
