Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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