well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
