Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
