Sponge bath it is.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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