What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize