my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
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I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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