I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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