My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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