Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
